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Pleasure Professors 69 sex tips...must read 



COME PREPARED
1. Dress sexily. Best clothes, shaved and get some Champagne in. Maybe throw in some melted chocolate or sticky food to play with.

2. Prepare for your night of passion like you would for a lads’ night out – don’t just leave it all to chance. Plan the details. After all, sex is the best pastime of all.

3. Send her regular saucy texts throughout the day telling her what you would like to do to her when she gets home.

4. Put on some soft music, dim the lights, put on a good aftershave, but not too much of it.

ATTACK HER SENSES
5. An effective way to get a girl in the mood is to feed all her senses. So, try the following…

6. Run her a deep, hot bath with a carefully chosen, sensuously-scented bath oil.

7. Give her a sensual massage with ready-mixed jasmine or ylang-ylang essential oils.

8. Get in a supply of feathers to stroke her with. Perhaps some teasing sex toys. And fruit and ice cream to feed her with.

WARM HER ENGINE
9. Devote plenty of time to foreplay in order to warm her up – remember, women take up to four times longer than men to get in the mood for love making.

10. Take time to caress her body after the massage, leaving the erogenous zones until last.

11. Step out of your comfort zone to make her laugh by doing a striptease or playing a frisky game.

12. Ask her to do similar for you. She might get into lapdancing to some raunchy music.

KISSING
13. Your tongue is not anelectric whisk, so slowdown! Many men think thatwhen they’re kissing a woman,the faster and deeper theirtongue is, the better. That’sbullshit. It isn’t a race and you’renot drilling for oil.

14. Remember that how a woman touches you is how she wants to be touched. 

15. Women knowthat if a man is good at kissing, then he’s usually good in bed. That is pretty much a given.

16. When you finally go in for the kiss and she softly touches your cheek or the back of your neck, she’s showing you where she wants you to touch her and how. Try to pay close attention to her reactions. You’ll be able to gauge if she’s enjoying herself or not. 


SHE COMES FIRST
17. With your hands or tongue, take your time to tease around her breasts, nipples and legs – gradually working towards her centre of passion.

18. Be slow and gentle when you go down on her, letting your tongue find her clitoris.

19. Always use both direct and indirect strokes. 

20. Make sure you always listen to her – what she asks for, how she reacts – and respond accordingly.

21. Kiss her downstairs as if it was her mouth with soft, sweet kisses. It will drive her crazy.

22. For multiple orgasms after she has climaxed for the first time, keep your tongue around, but not on the clitoris.

23. Keep the action going gently until the hypersensitive phase passes in a few seconds.

24. Keep going rapidly, but also rhythmically, to make her come again.

25. It’s better to use a flat tongue when licking. Think of licking an ice cream cone. Your tongue should cover as much surface area as possible. 

26. Think about how you’d want her to lick your cock. She’d want you to perform a similar technique. 

27. For your own heightened pleasure, be sure to direct your lover and ask specifically for what you want regarding tempo, pressure and technique, whether during massage,caresses or oral sex.

ON THE JOB
28. Use the stop-and-start method for fantastic orgasms. When you feel close to orgasm, but before the point of no return, stop all movements and then build up the pressure again four or five times, for the most intense orgasm you’ve ever experienced.

29. Make sure you’re fully in the moment. Don’t hold back, even if the experience is a one-night-only deal. 

30. Be open and talkabout your fantasiesand desires, because you won’t realise them in reality unless you make them clear.

31. Take your time. A little deep mining down there is always appreciated. 

32. If you’re about to blow, attempt the “Valsalva” manoeuvre. This sneaky delaying tactic involves holding your breath while bearing down as though you’re trying to have a bowel movement. Seriously – increasing your intra-abdominal pressure relaxes the muscles which contract during ejaculation. But don’t bear down too hard or you might “pass” more than you expect!

BE A COMMENTATOR
33. Tell her what you’re thinking! Women want to know. Why do you think we ask you so often? This also applies in bed.

34. Tell her you love the way she kisses you, you adore how soft her skin is, that her hair smells good, tell her she tastes good and how much you love being inside her. Women like to hear these things. It makes us feel sexy and confident.

35. Read her bedtime stories. Pick bits from this article and ask her what she thinks. It’s a subtle but effective way to kick-start frank discussions about your fantasies.





   





MAKE IT MIND BLOWING
36. Practice lasting longer. Each time you masturbate, stop just before ejaculation. Wait until you regain your composure, then repeat the process several times. You’ll learn to control your orgasm and become a marathon man.

37. Take the time to check out where she likes to hear you. Try whispering from her left- and then her right-hand side and then from behind and in front of her. Gauge her reactions to discover which direction of sound gets her shivering. There’ll be a marked difference between each one…

38. You can never use too much lubricant. Whether you’re using a finger, dildo or your penis, take it slowly and slap on the juice. It makes penetration easier and more comfortable – and it feels a lot sexier.

39. Try “The Slide”. Get her to kneel on the end of the bed with her upper chest touching the mattress, while you stand behind her. This creates a steep angle for her back and elongates the vaginal barrel. It makes her feel tighter, you get a fantastic view and she’ll enjoy having her nipples gently stimulated by rubbing on the mattress. Everyone’s a winner!

40. In between penetration, kiss her all over her body and give oral sex to turn her on.

41. If your partner’s going down, stand while she kneels or sits on the bed. This angle lets her take more of you and is less tiring (all that head-bobbing takes its toll). And that means she can keep going for longer.

42. If it’s your tongue’s turn to perform, try this: have the lucky lady lie with her legs bent and relaxed to form a diamond shape, kneel down on her right side and go down on her with the top of your head facing her feet.

43. When inside her, keep as still as possible and kiss for a long time to take the emphasis off the urgency to climax.

44. Slip your right hand under her bum to stimulate her perineum (the sensitive area between her vagina and anus) with your thumb, whenever you’re down there. Believe me: it won’t be long before we’re doing a favour for you.

45. Breathing in unison will intensify both your orgasms.

46. As you penetrate her, do it really slowly and tease yourself inside, pulling out at regular intervals and really taking your time. Change tempo and speed, alternating faster and slower. 

ALL DONE?
47. After mind-blowing sex, keep the atmosphere between you intimate and tactile.

48. Have a bottle of her favourite drink on hand to treat her after sex.

49. Post-coitus, prepare her some aphrodisiac foods such as oysters, avocado or chocolate, avoiding too many carbohydrates or red meat.

50. Be sure to keep paying attention to her sensual areas with soft caresses – such as the feet, nape of the neck, back, ears and face.

51. Tell her how much you’ve enjoyed every experience.

MOVING FORWARD
52. Occasionally, take her by surprise. For example, by turning up at her workplace at lunchtime and whisking her off home or to a hotel for a quickie.

53. Keep things exciting by indulging in role-play with outfits such as school uniform, doctors and nurses.

54. Be inventive about where you have sex. Why not try in the shower? Running water is very sensual. Or what about the garden?

55. Buy sex toys to spice upand vary your sex life.

56. Create the whole alphabet. Spell her name or a nice message with your tongue over her whole body, including her clitoris.

57. Indulge her with her favourite fruit and cream while she’s blindfolded.

58. With her (and the bed linen’s!) permission, melt some good quality chocolate, let it cool down a little, then brush it on to her body, before licking it off.

59. Invest in full-length mirrors in the bedroom and bathroom so you can watch yourselves.

60. Buy her some erotic lingerie in her favourite colour. But get the size right!

61. Film each other and ask her to model for you, but always keep movies confidential. 

62. Approach pornography with care, gauging her reactions. If she’s into it, let her choose the film you watch.

THE BASICS
63. Never get lazy in bed and always make sure you look your best for her. We’re talking clean hair, body and nails and a dab of quality aftershave.

64. Turn your mobile phone and the television off.

65. Remember that the biggest erogenous zone of all is the brain.

66. If she doesn’t like something you’re doing, stop immediately without questioning her.

67. Most important of all, remember to be a gentleman at all times.

68. Allow yourself to totally relax and enjoy the experience, putting your partner’s pleasure first – because giving is receiving.

69. Don’t leave it to her to get rid of the condom! And enjoy!






  


USNE KAHA

usne kaha kaun hai tu?

maine kaha hasrat teri,

usne kaha takta hai kya?

maine kaha surat teri,

usne kaha kertay ho kya?

maine kaha pooja teri,

usne kaha kafir ho kya?

maine kaha aisa hi sahi,

usne kaha chahtey ho kya?

maine kaha mohabbat teri,

usne kaha pachataega.. ..!

maine kaha kismat meri....!!!!

 


Bewafaa Shayari
pyar me aakhe zuban hoti hai
sachii baat to bezuban rehti hai
pyar mein dard mile to kaisa ghabrana
suna hai dard se pyar jawan hoti hai
aapke dil mein kya hai bata dijiye
yu khamosh rehkar na satiye
Tum bhi jano mein bhi janu
lahere aati hai jati hai
phir kyu likha naam mera kinare par
tum bhi jano mein bhi janu
dil na milte to mulakat aduri rehti
baat to hoti magar baat adhuri rehti
shukriya tera tere aanese ronak to badhi
nahi to yeh mehfil ek jasbat aduri rehti
tune apne daman mein chupaye mere aasu
nahi to akho ki barsaat adhuri rehti
zindagi to bewaffa to bewaffa hai ek din 
thukrayegi maut hi ek sachi mehbooba hai 
baki sab bakwaas ek din jarur aayegi
Yeh Bhi Aadab Hamare Hain,
Tumhain Kya Malum 
Hum Tumhain Jeet Ke Harey Hain, 
Tumhain Kya Malum
Ek Tum Ho Ke Samajhte Nahi Hum Ko Apna
Ek Hum Hain Ke Tumhare Hain, 
Tumhain Kya Maalum
Dil Ko Manana aGar Hota Aaasaaan
Na Karta Kisi Ko Yoon Ye Pareshaan
Tanha Na Rahta Bhari Mehfil Main
Na Hoti Woh Halat Jo Ho Na Bayaan

  

Life Ki Ringtone
Gam ko karo delete,
Khushi ko karo save,

Rishto ko karo recharge, 
Dosti ko karo download,

Dushmani ko karo erase,
Such ko karo broadcast,

Jhoot ko karo switch off,
Tension ko karo not reachable,

Pyar ki karo incoming on,
Nafrat ki karo outgoing off,

Language ko karo control,
Hassi ka karo outbox full,

Aansu ka karo inbox khaali,
Gusse ko karo hold,

Muskan ko karo send, 
Help ko karo ok,

Self ko karo autolock,
Dil ko karo vibrate,

Phir dekho life ki ringtone kitni 
POLYPHONIC ho jayegi
******

Compensation Review Special - Gandhigiri :)
 
  
"Agar koi tumhari salary na increase kare , tumhe promotion na de, 
tum kam karte raho.... 
sirf kam hi nehi zada kam karo...... 
promotion ki ummed na karo....... 
  
Dekhna, Uski aatma ek din jaroor jaagegi. 
Aur vo tumhe salary hike aur promotion zaroor dega" 
Aur agar fir bhi koi salary hike aur promotion nahi mile , 
to uske paas jana, use ek Guldasta dena.... aur kehna....... 
 
  
Get well soon maamu, i am resigning... J